The Boat

Okay so apparently I have no idea how to take care of batteries. I have never had this much trouble with any battery I have ever dealt with. I have 4 that are not working. I finally bought a new one for the lawn mower but I charged up two of other batteries up and they tested fine(got a tester from fleet farm) and got over to Eagle lake to take the boat out for a shakedown and guess what? It would not turn over. Shoot me now please.

Small Rant

I play with my daughter and listen to her giggle and squeal and wonder why my father did not want to play with me. What was so wrong? I know in my head that he is the one that had the problem not me; but when I think about this stuff I feel unbelievably insecure and worthless. I look into my daughter's eye's and see the love and caring that she has for me and wonder what he did not see in me. He always called me disturbed and said I needed mental help from day one.

Leah

I have become more aware of how much I let go in relation to my day when I watch Leah. Take for example how much time that person in the car in front of you costs you when they do not travel the speed limit or the customer service rep who does not care at all about what has happened to your order.

Now let me explain Leah. She started screaming and bending over at the waist looking into a floor grate. I thought she cut herself or she stubbed her toe but as I got closer I found the problem. A kernel of corn from dinner had slipped out of her hand and plunged deep into the grate. She had the concerned look of a mother whose child was trapped and she could not help. I extracted the piece of corn and palmed it and asked Corrie for another piece of corn so that if she decided to eat it I would not have to shudder in horror. After I gave her the new one was in her hand she was happy and walked away.

Job

Well I have a NEW job. I was at Wells Fargo for awhile and found it to be very hard to deal with. I tried to get a server reloaded and was told it would take 6 weeks. DUDE! Okay so I talked with Steve S. and he put me on to a job with Microdynamics as their sys admin. I can tell I like it a lot more already with just one day. I walked in and did not feel tense. I hope that I can do some good there.

Views on Vista

I got a new disk from Alienware with Vista on it. I thought what the heck since I am going to be asked to support it here and at work I should at least use it.

Installation - Funny since Alienware sent me this disk you would think that they would slipstream the drivers into it. Apparently not.

First use - Got used to answering yes and ok to security warnings. Not used to not being able to use my keyboard when coming out of hibernation. Reboot fixes but causes problems. Apparently most anti-virus providers have not solved their problems with MS and do not fully support it.

No real performance issues. Laptop scores a 4.2 out of 5.9 so I was not suprised.

All in all decent OS but needs more work and needs to be more intuitive, I feel like I am going back to NT4 with everything hidden from the user.

2 more weeks

I have to wear the walking boot for 2 more weeks and it really makes me sad. I want to just walk normally and not have some aparatus strapped to my leg. This is a picture of the x-ray I had taken today. Note that it looks like a deck screw.

Fishing Season Approches

Well it is almost May and I am thinking about taking my boat out to Eagle Lake for a break in cruise. I got the water off the tarp today to get something done on it. I think it will have to be the first week of may as I am going to get some stuff in may basement done.

Well I changed back to another pain killer. I was falling asleep at work on the new one. After I tried to get off them altogether for two days, I did not have any side effects (stomach cramping, shaking) or anything like that. I did have some severe pain so I talked to my doctor and he was happy that I had tried but based on what was going on in my foot, he was sure it would be a couple more weeks. I probably have to wear the boot for 4 more weeks. Woooohoooo.

Adoption

So guess what, discovery channel now has "adoption stories". So I am home today and I had to watch it. It reminded me of all the emotions and thoughts I had around adopting Leah.

I realized that when we were going through infertility stuff doors were being closed in front of us all the time; monetary, medical, insurance and many others. When we finally stopped dealing with it and took time off from it we realized that adoption was what we were supposed to be doing. All of a sudden doors opened for us that we never even knew about. We stopped wondering about things it all seemed natural.

A public declaration of my love for my wife

Corrie is the most beautiful, caring and giving person I have ever met. I cannot imagine life without her. She is the mother of my child and my ultimate love. When I hear people praise their wife I smile because I know what they are feeling. I may not show it often and I know that I owe her more then I can ever repay but I hope that she will let me try.

Recovering

I made it through surgery and well; it hurts. The surgery went well apparently from what Corrie heard from the doctor. I spent more time in recovery since they expected the surgery to go longer and the spinal did not wear off. I am more mobile now then I was after my shoulder surgery(go figure). The pain was so immense the first day that I could not take it and called the on call doctor. He told me I could take ibuprofen which the nurses in post op said I could not. I called in the next morning and got a different painkiller. While it did not take all of it away at least I could sleep a couple hours at a time and not feel like my foot was on fire.

Settling in

Well I have been at my new job for a few weeks and I can tell you that it is amazing!!! I wear jeans and a t-shirt. I work on servers that are not anywhere near me and I am okay with it.

I feel I can say some thingsabout what was going on. I broke a bone in November and told my old job that I needed surgery on it. I was told "if you have surgery, we will have to re-think your position here at ******. To say I was a little shocked is an understandment. I chose to keep my job and support my family. However now I can tell you that I should have done the surgery. I am in immense pain constantly now. Surgery is 2 days away and I cannot wait. They are going to insert a screw in my foot and get the bones together. here is a link to the surgery (radiographic so no blood).

http://www.wheelessonline.com/ortho/jones_fracture

Resignation

Well I resigned last week. It was kind of anti-climatic since I dressed up walked directly to my boss's desk and was prepared to resign. Problem was, he was out sick. So I checked the website to find out what to do. I was supposed to resign to his boss. Awesome! However his boss is an open position right now. : So I then tried the director, she was out sick too. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I called my boss's cell and left a message to call me. After no call after 11:00 I called the HR guy who finally accepted my resignation. I am not sure but I think no one I know has had this much trouble resigning.

Please pray

I am going through some difficult times at work. Not the usual. I might not be there soon. I am disappointed, scared and angry. I know that we will be okay for awhile financially but honestly I just hate this.

Tooth Paste

Corrie and I were in the store a few weeks ago and we talked about starting to brush Leah's teeth. Now normally that is not a real big deal. Get some toothpaste a brush. We decided this in the baby aisle of Target and so I figured that the TP would be there. So I told Corrie to get the TP at the end of the aisle. She looked around and I saw a look of confusion that told me that she could not see it. I went ahead and went back to "show" her where it was. When I got there she said "I can't find it"; so I said "it is right here" and pointed to a tube of paste and saw "Butt Paste" there in large letters. Apparently the TP is in the tooth brush aisle.

Need help

I need help wanting to adopt every child that I see that needs a home. Which is not horrible but I know that right now introducing a new child into our home would be difficult. Leah is so much fun and I really want to experience her and cultivate a relationship with her.

Scooter

The last one was so that I could say that I had posted more recently than my wife.

Well my shoulder is healing well but when I thought things were going to start getting easier, I broke my foot. I asked my wife to shoot me and she said NO. I now have a scooter, yes a scooter. Here is a picture. I kneel on it and scoot along. Yes laugh a lot. No there are no pictures of me on it. I am getting a new one tomorrow, it has steering! This one has none and let me tell you lifting the front to turn is not fun. It has a brake but if you know me and understand inertia you will get the point.

I just updated! Ha Ha I win. CFB is a fussy pants!

Sorry no posting for awhile

Let the cycle of no sleep begin again! I took my sleeping pill and nothing happened. I know it is a little after 10 but I took it at 8.

Work is going a little better. I have not seen my mgr for 2 days. I did an informational interview with another group and it went very well.

I play a video game called Battlefield 2, while it is fun some of the people have got to relax. It is a game. I have fun, trash talk and all that but, getting upset over someone taking a helicopter? Please, if it getting that intense for you go do something else. BTW the south park episode about world of warcraft, extremely funny. I know a guy at work who plays it and he said it is pretty accurate.

Leah has been sick but it is so funny even when she has snot running out of her nose she wants to laugh and have fun. Amazing. I keep listening to a song by the band Live called Heaven, here is a snip of the lyrics:

You don't need no friends get back your faith again you have the power to believe another dissident take back your evidence it has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it, for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven I look at my daughter, and I believe I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night everything they say is right but in the morning they were wrong I'll be right by your side come hell or water high down any road you choose to roam

I know that God gave her to us to live and care for but I just can't believe how perceptive she is. I was upset today and she was sitting in my lap and she looked at me and smiled then patted my stomach and snuggled. This is not the first time that she has done this. I guess we are going to be an emotional family. Even the dog can tell when something is wrong.

Well here it is

So for the last few weeks I have been secretly worrying about Leah's adoption. I have dreams where I physically destroy people that try and take her. I see her inquisitive face looking over someone else's shoulder and the only things I can do is sing "you are my sunshine" as she walks away.

There are no indications that things are wrong that we know about. It is just stressful.

My wife

My wife posted on her blog last week about me. I cannot begin to describe how this made me feel. She is such a wonderful person that I cannot begin to describe what she means to me. I consider myself extremely blessed to have her in my life. I do not know how I would have dealt with some of the medical problems that I have had in my life. She is so patient and sometimes I cannot believe that she continues to be the wife and mother that she is.

I love her with all my heart, soul and being. I Love You Fussy!