Tooth Paste

Corrie and I were in the store a few weeks ago and we talked about starting to brush Leah's teeth. Now normally that is not a real big deal. Get some toothpaste a brush. We decided this in the baby aisle of Target and so I figured that the TP would be there. So I told Corrie to get the TP at the end of the aisle. She looked around and I saw a look of confusion that told me that she could not see it. I went ahead and went back to "show" her where it was. When I got there she said "I can't find it"; so I said "it is right here" and pointed to a tube of paste and saw "Butt Paste" there in large letters. Apparently the TP is in the tooth brush aisle.

Need help

I need help wanting to adopt every child that I see that needs a home. Which is not horrible but I know that right now introducing a new child into our home would be difficult. Leah is so much fun and I really want to experience her and cultivate a relationship with her.

Scooter

The last one was so that I could say that I had posted more recently than my wife.

Well my shoulder is healing well but when I thought things were going to start getting easier, I broke my foot. I asked my wife to shoot me and she said NO. I now have a scooter, yes a scooter. Here is a picture. I kneel on it and scoot along. Yes laugh a lot. No there are no pictures of me on it. I am getting a new one tomorrow, it has steering! This one has none and let me tell you lifting the front to turn is not fun. It has a brake but if you know me and understand inertia you will get the point.

I just updated! Ha Ha I win. CFB is a fussy pants!

Sorry no posting for awhile

Let the cycle of no sleep begin again! I took my sleeping pill and nothing happened. I know it is a little after 10 but I took it at 8.

Work is going a little better. I have not seen my mgr for 2 days. I did an informational interview with another group and it went very well.

I play a video game called Battlefield 2, while it is fun some of the people have got to relax. It is a game. I have fun, trash talk and all that but, getting upset over someone taking a helicopter? Please, if it getting that intense for you go do something else. BTW the south park episode about world of warcraft, extremely funny. I know a guy at work who plays it and he said it is pretty accurate.

Leah has been sick but it is so funny even when she has snot running out of her nose she wants to laugh and have fun. Amazing. I keep listening to a song by the band Live called Heaven, here is a snip of the lyrics:

You don't need no friends get back your faith again you have the power to believe another dissident take back your evidence it has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it, for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven I look at my daughter, and I believe I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night everything they say is right but in the morning they were wrong I'll be right by your side come hell or water high down any road you choose to roam

I know that God gave her to us to live and care for but I just can't believe how perceptive she is. I was upset today and she was sitting in my lap and she looked at me and smiled then patted my stomach and snuggled. This is not the first time that she has done this. I guess we are going to be an emotional family. Even the dog can tell when something is wrong.

Well here it is

So for the last few weeks I have been secretly worrying about Leah's adoption. I have dreams where I physically destroy people that try and take her. I see her inquisitive face looking over someone else's shoulder and the only things I can do is sing "you are my sunshine" as she walks away.

There are no indications that things are wrong that we know about. It is just stressful.

My wife

My wife posted on her blog last week about me. I cannot begin to describe how this made me feel. She is such a wonderful person that I cannot begin to describe what she means to me. I consider myself extremely blessed to have her in my life. I do not know how I would have dealt with some of the medical problems that I have had in my life. She is so patient and sometimes I cannot believe that she continues to be the wife and mother that she is.

I love her with all my heart, soul and being. I Love You Fussy!

work 2

Okay so work has settled down but I am still not happy. I find myself doing the absolute least to seem like I am doing something. This bothers me as my work ethic is definately non-existant. I wonder if my boss can tell that I am doing this or not. I hope that I can turn this around starting tommorow.

Work

Okay so I have had an emotional 2 weeks. I do not feel that I am receiving the recognition that I deserve at my job. I know I should be worried about something so trivial. However I spend about a 1/3 of my day working so it is a big part of my life. That being said I have been thinking about why this is so important to me. I know that I could look at it as a ways to an end and deal with it that way. However I am not like that, I really believe in the things I get involved in. Case in point, if someone were to make disparaging comments about my church, I would get angry. I would because I take ownership. Now I have worked there for about 9 years, and this is not the first time this has happened and I am sure that it will not be the last. What I do know is the comment my boss (who I like) made is the problem. "well, you work in a support role and the people in this group do not see all the good things that you are doing they just remember when something did not work". What the..., I asked him "how is that fair". I should have gone on to point out that each release when installed at a store creates a problem that requires a fix for that program or a update for another.

What has become clear to me over the last few hours is this; why am I looking for validation from a job? I know that sounds simplistic and trite, but really, how much does this job matter in the grand scheme of things. I know that I spend a 1/3 of my day there but why do I spend that much time there? To provide for my loving and caring wife, for my child who is so beautiful, and to support my church who is doing God's work here in Minneapolis. That is it. Sure it is fun when my boss tells me that I should spend the budget, who wouldn't want to order 80 workstations at a time?

Clearly I have to focus on the things that matter and maybe this is God's way of saying, you are done there, I have something so much better in mind for you.

movie time

Last night my wife and I went to the movie at church, we saw Narnia. I was a good time to just sit and watch a movie with friends. I am glad though that the pastor turned on the air conditioning. It was about 80 degrees in there. Not much else other then there is a weird guy that showed up and proceeded to stare at all the women that were there.

This is my beautiful daughter. We are in the process of adopting her. I cannot tell you how much I love her and cannot live without her.

Must update more

Okay since my last post I have had surgery on my shoulder and find that typing is not something I could do very well until now. So I think that I will start including a "What has this experience taught me" segment to each post that talks about an experience.

Shoulder surgery - What has this taught me

1. Anesthesia mixed with Fentanyl(they gave it to me), and a nerve block on my right arm are all good

2. All doctors are not the same but until a relationship is established they do not trust you to tell them the truth. Must be part of medical training

3. Learn to do things with the other arm. I cannot tell you how frustrating trips to the bathroom and eating are.

4. If you do not have a support system to help you for about 2 weeks you are screwed. My wife was there above and beyond the call (not with the bathroom thing) so many times.

5. Stay out of work for 2 weeks even if you are a computer nerd like me. Slowly during the second week start using your computer 1 to 3 hours a day.

6. Learn how to ask for help and be gracious when it is offered.

7. For about 5 to 6 weeks do not try to play battlefield 2. Trust me or your new friend will be ice and painkillers.

8. Learn how to sleep upright or in different positions. I sleep about 3 hours average a night because I did not do this.

9. Curb eating. I am not gaining weight but I am losing any tone that I had in my body. I am in shape for those that know me. ROUND IS A SHAPE! :)

10. For the special people that have helped you find a way to thank them that shows your love for them.

National Anthem

Okay I know that it has been awhile since I posted. New baby, gutted basement and work have all taken toll on time.

Even if no one reads this I at least have said something.

WHO CARES if someone wants to make a version of our national anthem in another language? Does it hurt something? Do I believe that if you would like to live here in the United States you should learn English or at least some English? YES. Imagine if I worked at a company that had a diverse population(I do btw) how would we get anything done if we all spoke our native language or had to have one or more interpreter per meeting. Nothing would get done on time. Is it okay that when I walk past a conversation in the hall that I do not understand it, yeah it is. If I have requirements for a project that do not make absolute sense for someone from another country then by all means find a way to understand it and get the work done.

That being said. Please do not make mountains out of molehills, find a common ground and become a citizen if you would like to live/work here.

Finally a doctor that reacts!

I went to the doctor today! Usually this meets with anger, frustration and lack of action. She listened, asked questions, and formed a plan of action. She gave me something to put me to sleep so that I can finally get this thing under control.

First day - Sleepless in Minneapolis

Well I thought I would try this so that at least when I am not sleeping I could just ramble on, not for attention but just for fun.

I have had a migraine for about 5.5 weeks now. Yes I know this is rare but it has happened before. I have sought medical attention and have an appt on Monday. I think I am going to try to write down all of the medications that I have been put on for these things for the last 3 years.

Vicodin
Vicoprofen
Darvocet
Firocet
Imitrex - shots and pills
Demerol
Valium
Thorazine
amitryptiline (sp?)
another anti-depressant that I can't remember
A blood pressure med that I can't remember

Treaments
acupuncture
massage - great but I had to pay for it myself
chiropratic
imaging therapy - where I try to imagine the loosening of the muscles and the pain going away (works for about 5 minutes while I am doing it)
yoga music
relaxation
weight loss (120lbs)

I will add more to those as I remember.

That is it for tonight.