No More

Dear God,

How much more can I take. The heart you gave me is breaking for those that are hurting. I cannot live like this much longer.

Let me tell you something...

Each person is born with a different ability to deal with pain. I have played football in the snow with broken knuckles and my skin split open from the cold. I also have been laying on a gurney(do they still call them that?) before surgery feeling absolutely no pain. 3 shots of fentanyl, 1 of Versed(awesome that is all I have to say about that) and whatever else I got before surgery.

Each person reacts to medications differently also. I do not get the initial high and wobbly feeling of narcotic pills. However if I drink 3 beers I have a buzz, but if I drink hard liquor it takes quite a lot and does not last long. for muscle relaxers I cannot really take flexeril, I seem to have an adverse anger related reaction when taking it. So I use Soma. This does produce a slight floating feeling but that lasts about 2 minutes and then nothing so nothing special there.

Why am I talking about this? I feel that some of my friends think that I am addicted to pain killers. Believe me, the leash that MAPS pain clinic uses for all of their patients is quite short. I have never run out before time and have only asked to up the dose of non-narcotic meds(lyrica...) so please, if you are reading this take note. I do not and have not been addicted to pain killers.

I only ask that you spend a day with one of these types of pains and tell me that you wouldn't take anything.

1. Place a vise on your head and try and do your normal job. Now remember I have had migraines last for weeks, 6 weeks is my record.
2. Hit your dominant foot with a hammer twice an hour all day and night for 2 years, let me know how that works out.
3. Lay on the floor with an un-even rock under one side of your back for about 2 hours. Get up and try and function.

Mean part for those who still don't get it.

You are not me. You have no idea how I feel on a daily basis. If my life is so interesting to you ASK ME. Do not spread rumors do not go to others and say I think our friend John has a medication addiction problem. If you are my friend I am glad that you care enough but I have medical proof that I should have pain. If I wanted to get high I would take the $40 in co-payments I spend on average per week and buy weed, okay?

Sorry, I just can't keep quiet anymore.

Dissapointment

I have been planning a new phone system for nearly 6 months. I have just found out it has been postponed. This does not sound so bad, however it was scheduled for 11\13. This really sucks.

Tagged

Here are the rules:
1.Post the rules on your blog
2.Write 6 random things about yourself
3.Tag 6 people at the end of your post
4.If you are tagged, just do it, and pass the tag along!

1. I do not like my hands or anyone else's wet hands.

2. I do not shave with cream or foam. Hot water is it.

3. I ignore people at work who call out my name from a distance instead of coming over to ask me a question

4. I really do like manual labor

5. I often make projects harder then they should be

6. I consider myself lazy

TAGs - Corrie- I am sure everyone else has been hit.

Song in my head

I cant remember anything
Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
Im waking up I can not see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me

This is the first three stanza's of Metallica's One. It was the first Metallica song I heard that I liked. It still speaks to me. Obviously I have never been in a war but I feel wrung out.

Wrinkled and shrunk
Tired and beaten
writhing and scraping
pushing and drowning
Pain

Are you tired of it too?

I am so sick of the political bs that flys during an election year. The MSM turns the smallest thing into something that is supposed to be the candidate killer. What is even worse is I read Reddit and Digg - two social media sites- partisian politics is the order of the day. 6 articles about the same thing on the front page of reddit is just ridiculous, digg might be a little better but I have blocked political articles and digg users seem to follow categories better.

Bacon Flavored Cookies

Overheard at the dinner table"Mommy, cookies"holding up a piece of bacon; "No Leah that is bacon" "No! cookie mommy!" So now I am going to completely throw myself into creating a bacon flavored cookies. I am sure that there is a market out there even if cholesterol rises or bacon supplies dwindle.